i just had sex bonerless
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its liver damage thursday
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