And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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