I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
