the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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