And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
