k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
