There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
