I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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