Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
