They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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