I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
