I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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