pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
