there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
