there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
