I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
