we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
