does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
