PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize