Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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