i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize