Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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