My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
