Me. At least after what I've been through.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
