Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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