God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
