you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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