Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
