how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
