You smell like a Billy Joel song
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
