Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
