he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
