Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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