2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
