i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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