Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
