So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
