If i come over, it means nothing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
