Sry I called you an 8
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
