my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
