So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
