i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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