it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
