His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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