Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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