69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
