i can't believe i had my finger in that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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