Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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