I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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