I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
