I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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