1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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