God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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