you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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