So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
