You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
