God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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