I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
