youre lurking in front of me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
