I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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