I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
