dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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