ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
