i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
