dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
