He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
