Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
