I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
