Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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