i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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