Kiss
Puke
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
