i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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