have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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